urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222 the story of a broken girl starchild2222 2007-10-28T16:40:58Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:3905 2007-10-28T16:40:58Z 2007-10-28T16:40:58Z away from the sun by 3 doors down i am a total mess<br />i am failing school<br />i am hooking up with 3 people<br />one of them has a girlfriend<br />i am fat and disgusting<br />i should just die urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:3633 2007-10-10T19:44:50Z 2007-10-10T19:44:50Z my paper heart by all american rejects havnt posted in a while<br />im not doing to well<br />lots of cutting and eating...uuuuug i am disgusting<br />i just had a ton of peanut butter and an apple<br />soooo fat<br />i will gain control and be thin urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:3577 2007-10-01T22:39:50Z 2007-10-01T22:39:50Z stand your ground by arcaine havnt written in a few days<br />basically i have been cutting alot recently and eating a little and doing even less school work<br />i really need to get my life back in line<br />and up my grades...alot<br />not much else to say today except that i hope jordan gets his act together and makes up his mind already<br />if you want me you want me, and if you dont, please just tell me and stop making me try and figure it all out alone urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:3144 2007-09-25T23:31:08Z 2007-09-25T23:31:08Z Noble Stabbings!! by the Dillinger four im so stressed out<br />i have a lot of school work, and im am not doing very well<br />this is my junior year!! i HAVE to do well<br />i cant believe that we kissed yesterday...i said that i wouldnt let him!<br />now all i want to do is hear his voice telling me everything is pl and feel his hands on me and his lips on mine <br />i wish i could just be over him, and have him out of my life, but for some reason i dont seem to be able to <br />i feel so weak and pathetic<br />also feeling on the fatty mcfatfat side of the world<br />had salad and grilled chicken for dinner with diet soda, but i still feel obese<br />FUCK! why is life so complicated? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:2845 2007-09-23T17:08:06Z 2007-09-23T17:08:06Z prince of spades by dispatch so the last two days havent been that bad<br />i only ate dinner both days<br />today, i ate breakfast, and i know that my mom is going to make me eat lunch...im just gonna have some eggs with veggies and cheese<br />during this week, i have to go to school early and stay late alot, so it should be easy to get out a few meals<br />i also think that i will try to get back into a gym routine...going every day, or every other day, and if i dont go to the gym, i will do an ab routine, cardio warmup, and some free weights<br />i will get back on track and do better urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:2798 2007-09-20T23:12:53Z 2007-09-20T23:12:53Z not now by blink 182 so today was wayyyy worse than yesterday, <br />i had three full meals<br />i am a pig<br />iv had cereal and pizza and pasta and meatballs<br />i dont want to eat<br />i hate the feeling of being full<br />i disgust myself with my weakness<br />tomorrow i really am going to go just liquids...i must<br />crew season is coming<br />my life cant be on hold until i become thin...so obviously i must be thinner faster! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:2447 2007-09-19T23:24:20Z 2007-09-19T23:24:20Z Portrait of an Artist as a Fucking Asshole by Dillinger Four so i messed up bad today<br />i ate 2 real meals, plus a luna bar for lunch, and a banana, and some grapes<br />i will be stronger<br />i will be disiplined and i will punish myself when i fail<br />when i succeed, i will only keep trying<br />i do not deserve rewards, no matter how well i do<br />it is not good enough<br />maybe i will get a reward...some diet pills, or maybe get some new lippy or a book<br />well...it does not matter now because i have done no where good enough to deserve any kind of reward urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:2202 2007-09-18T22:56:55Z 2007-09-18T22:56:55Z Your Song from Moulin Rouge stayed home from school because i was sick<br />now i have so much work to do<br />i hate my life<br />sometimes i just want to dissapear urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:1983 2007-09-16T17:44:06Z 2007-09-16T17:44:06Z naked by avril lavigne i have so much fucking homework<br />i went to the gym yesterday, and then came home and did light weight and ab work<br />i could have done more, but was really tired so i just went to lie down and sleep<br />today, i am basically doing hw all day, and i cant go to the gym on monday because i have a newspaper meeting<br />i guess i will just do weights and abs, and maybe some jumping jacks and lunges at home<br />not much else to say<br />ive been eating, but not much<br />one of my best friends is now mad at me because of my eating but whatever<br />she is not worth my time<br />its not my fault that she will eat anything, anytime whether she is hungry or not urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:1775 2007-09-15T22:20:40Z 2007-09-15T22:20:40Z first time by lifehouse one of my closest friends is totally freaking out at me<br />i didnt go to lunch at school, and she got so mad<br />i need her to stop being like this<br />i understand that she doesnt want me to hurt myself, but i am not going to change my life<br />i need my ed, my cuts, my drugs and my drinks<br />she needs to realize that my issues have nothing to do with her and she needs to stop trying to control me<br /><br />i went to the gym so im feeling a little better, but not much<br />when i got back i had an apple<br />i know i shouldnt have, but i was really light headed<br />i will try harder, be stronger tomorrow urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:1320 2007-09-15T02:31:35Z 2007-09-15T02:31:35Z Find Comfort in YOurself by Midtown i am&nbsp;a failure<br />why do i not have the strength to succeed?<br />some days i want so badly to be normal and ed/si/depression free, <br />but then i remember, normal is fat, borning, and average<br />i will never be happy until i reach the perfection that only bones and pain can bring<br />i will force myself to be strong, to exercise until i am too dizzy to stand, <br />to restrict and purge, to count calories and steps and inches and pounds<br />to hide my dirty secret from the world<br />to keep my reality and savior safe until i reach my ever distant goal urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:1256 2007-09-12T16:31:46Z 2007-09-12T16:31:46Z intuition by jewel so i started a fast, and broke it just over 24 hours later<br />i guess now was just a bad time being the first week of school and having 2 family events this week<br />i think im going to start again next week...im so excited to finally get back on track<br />i think i may actually reach some of my goals in a timely manner!<br />yay urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:993 2007-09-11T16:46:15Z 2007-09-11T16:46:15Z from the heart by hoobastank started my fast today<br />it is 12:46 and so far all iv had is coffee with splenda and a few sips of diet snapple<br />i think im going to make some tea soon<br />not sure if im going to let myself have ice pops but im feeling light headed<br />im going to try and get through school, sports, and a workout tomorow before i decide if i have to add in a few negative calorie foods...celery, green apple, cucumber, lettuce, etc...<br />i really want to be able to complete at least a few days of no food<br />hopefully mom wont get to suspicious <br />i can say that im eating at school urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:starchild2222:729 2007-09-10T15:15:30Z 2007-09-10T15:15:30Z emotionless by good charlotte fat fat fatty mcfattystien<br />that is me<br />i did an hour of cardio today and i wish that i could have just worked out all day<br />came home and had cereal with skim milk and protien powder<br />i should have just not eaten<br />no one was home to make me and if i keep eating ill never be thin<br />FUCK<br />i hate my life<br />failed suicide attempts suck